Tonight, I almost hung myself, but like always, I was too scared. Once I let one foot off, I struggled to let the other one to dangle too. Sigh….

jiffynguyen:

I’m too stubborn. Nothing about me is gonna change. I’ve developed unhealthy habits which have consumed me as a person and overtaken my ability to act regular. I don’t know what to do….nothing seems to be getting better. I’ve become a failure. I’ve lost hope. I’ve hit rock bottom again, but this time I can’t climb back up. Why do I always do this to myself?

It’s summer right now, and it’s been about 4 months since I made this post. I hate summer. I absolutely hate it. For a lot of people, it’s the best season because they have friends to make plans with, but for those who don’t have friends, you’re stuck all by yourself. Everyone forgets about me, I don’t have friends to hang out with or invite me anywhere. My family is gone most of the time and I’m just here by myself, envying everyone else who has a life. I don’t think there is much to do about it. I hate everything and everyone right now. I hate life. I don’t want to live anymore.

(Source: jiffylube)

The best time to live, yet practically the worst. We have it better than the past, but that’s because we have everything, or should I say want everything. The media is causing an atrophy. This generation of the world is hanging by a thread. The majority of us judge everyone based on their looks & with the use of stereotypes (even though we know it’s bad) regardless of who that person is in the inside. If you look like trash, but have the biggest heart, then basically you’ll looked down on by the majority because most of us don’t know you. But if you’re the hottest person alive, people would love you even though you have the worst imaginable personality. I once knew a girl who had hate thrown at her, not because of what she did, but because of the way she looked. She became so pessimistic and basically became emo. Please don’t let the hate transform you into a person who hates life. It’s not worth it. What’s better: Living a life in the shadows, or living a life of happiness.

It’s natural to have desires, especially if it’s beneficial to ourselves. Most of us all want to look cool or attractive to catch someone’s attention. Some even go as far as spending the majority of their time trying to enhance their image, that they don’t realize how much time they’re wasting on stuff that really matters & before you know it, times up. What’s better: Wasting your time to gain attention, or going out & having fun while accepting yourself for who you are?

I see posts all over Tumblr complaining about their parents. Do you really want to punch them in the face? Do you really want them to leave? Do you really want them to…die? Really? Appreciate what you have. A home, food, love. It may seem to you that your parents don’t show that last factor (love), but it’s there, you just gotta give love back in order to see it in return. I might not understand what conflict you go through with your parents, but if they really hated you, they would have kicked you out or even worse, disowned you. & if you really hated them too, then you would’ve walked out of the house & would never come back. I know that might seem hardcore, but it’s true. As you can see, you are still living in that house of yours, the house which contains your family - the closest people you will ever meet. If you lost your family, where would you go? Who would support you? You still have your friends, sure, but will their parents be willing to pay for your supplies and needs? If yes, great, if no…what are you gonna do? What’s better: Living a life on the streets with no one, or living in a home with family?

The media has destroyed our society. We all use to be innocent back in the day when we had family time instead of parties. When we watched cartoons on Saturday mornings instead of watching Disney shows where the actor is a ‘whore’ in real life. When everyone was nicer to us instead of spreading gossip and rumors about us.

Accept your life. You only have one, so live it to your best fucking potential. Don’t let one’s hate bring you down let it degrade you. Just live and don’t forget to leave behind a bigass smile.

When we like someone, we have the tendency to make ourselves look better to grab their attention.

People spend so much time, money and all their attention towards trying to impress people they’ll never know or meet for the reason of making themselves feel better. They feel that by showing people what they have, they will have much more respect from them. You never know that the person doing this, may have never had anything to show off when they were younger so they feel that now they have the money to do it, they can show off and maybe get more acknowledgment. Or another reason is because their quality of being insecure. They figure if there is a chance the will constantly think “When I meet this person they will like me.” People should like and respect you for who you really are and not for the materialistic image you are trying to demonstrate.

Through an analysis of someone’s life who pretends to be rich and/or uses material possessions to attract attention from others or give themselves a feeling of significance, you’ll probably find a fragile, stressful, unhappy existence on the edge of total collapse. It’s a hard life lesson that some people go through.

“Beauty must appeal to the senses, must provide us with immediate enjoyment,

Bottling your emotions can result in depression, and in the end you can withdraw yourself from the world and become a walking robot - a nobody. If you keep hiding what you’re feeling, you’re never going to be able to get the courage to say what you need to. So, let people in.

It can create a situation where you can feel overwhelmed and if you don’t have anyone to turn to and share what you feel with someone else, then it becomes a habit. It’s okay to keep some things private if you need to, but don’t use that as an excuse to avoid finding the cause. It might be difficult to face those facts, but if you do you will be better off in the long run.

Keep in mind that the longer you withdraw your emotions from others, you withdraw them from yourself.

(Source: jiffylube)

When you’re having problems and experiencing depression, what do you do to resolve it? Do you talk about it with a friend/family member? Or do you vent about it through blogging? Or do you just try to escape from you dilemmas by running away, hoping they won’t follow? If your choice is the third of the variety, just read and listen. Problems are called problems for a reason because there is always a solution to them, whether how difficult, there will always be an answer. If all you do is avoid your intricacies, they will build up and accumulate to form an even bigger problem. Everything around you will remind you about your problem, and you begin feeling the sensation of melancholia & sadness. You will break down. But there’s still a solution.

When we’re feeling glum, we have the tendency to watch/listen to a movie/song that we can relate to. A perfect scenario, for example, is when we break up with someone. We have the tendency to watch a sad love story movie that accommodates the objective of breaking up because it brings back a memory we once had with someone. A memory that should be forgotten. When we watch this movie, it manifests and causes us to be more depressed because we are reminiscing the past. We continue to be sad, and we mourn over the thought. The negative thoughts build up and overcomes us, preventing us from ever being happy again. You can still prevent this from happening even if it has already dominated your inner being.

If you choose to become bottled up, the only way to cure your depression is to turn away from the materiality relative to the issue you are currently having. Watch a comedy to make yourself feel better and laugh. Listen to songs that give off an optimistic view. Just don’t think about your problem and try to live a happy life, because if you don’t, you’re only digging yourself a deeper hole, making it harder for you to come out and be open to the world. If you do fall, it’s okay, just try again. You’re not ever alone. Everyone goes through the mental pain you’re going through. Regardless of the level of severeness the problem may be, there is always a solution, don’t ever forget that.

Life is worth living. Live it to the fullest.

Don’t let your emotions get the best of you i.e. don’t always automatically follow your emotions. take time and think everything through before you take action. It’s the time old question of follow your head or your heart - your heart is your emotions, your head is the rational thought process.

Letting your emotions get the best of you means you aren’t thinking clearly because you are angry or sad or a different emotion, which means you aren’t going to make the wisest decision because you won’t be thinking with your brain, you will be acting on instinct.

(Source: jiffylube)

I know this is wrong and I shouldn’t do this, but I tend to let the negative hate given to me affect my emotional stability more rather than the positive liveliness supplied to me by others. It seems that my pessimism in life is more dominate than my optimism- regardless of my will to help others. Sure, the love offered by people is kind and sweet and it helps me get back onto my knees, but it doesn’t affect or rise my esteem level much. Because personal pessimism surrounds my way of living, it has influenced me to become stronger because I’ve endured an unstable crisis filled with neglect and pain throughout the majority of my life. Bullshit builds my perception and dedication. I’ve gotten use to the feeling of being glum and morbid everyday through my weeping tears which had led me to forget what true happiness was though I’m still standing as high as possible. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a moment of pure bliss in my lifetime, but when I think about my dream and becoming successful in life, that’s when I start to believe that my new era of happiness will begin to bloom soon and let optimism do it’s job and take over.

Another contradiction within me that shows I am strange and abnormal. I am a boy who has grown stronger by hate and influenced by my pessimistic ideas who hopes to become a full optimist. Ironic. I am weird, yes. I am confused if this even makes sense.

I find it highly insulting when someone calls me stupid for my actions because I know for a fact that I’m not. Sure I may do foolish stunts and whatnot, but my actions don’t determine my intelligence, my mind does. Although my mind does influence my actions in little ways, most of my  commotions are influenced through my expressions of feelings - depression, rage, empathy, frustration, love, pity, etc. Regardless of my ability to keep my emotions bottled up for a fair amount of time, I cannot control them because they will eventually become unstable and find a way to get loose and therefore, causing me to do crazy turmoil.

When someone calls me stupid, I have to then waste my time proving to them that I’m not. Like I said before, I give up easily, but what motivates me throughout the process is having the opportunity to prove someone wrong; to show them I’m not just a weak person who surrenders without trying. I don’t enjoy the presence of people who think they can get away with insulting others.

Honesty will never be appreciated if there are no lies, lying directs us to the truth and when truth comes out it hurts all because of the hidden truth. I’d rather be hurt honestly than to be misled with a lie.You can take pains in honesty but not in lies. That is why people continue lying because they fear to hurt people but what they do not know depriving them with truth is even more painful than telling the truth.

I don’t really like to admit it, but I think I’m a nice person. I lend out a helping hand whenever someone’s seeking for help. I do whatever I can to make another person smile. I try my best to give other people an optimistic outlook on life. But if I make a “wrong move” everyone turns their backs on me. They think I’m a two-faced, and think that I’ve changed. I’m not like that.

We are humans. We need happiness and satisfaction to balance  out with pain and suffering. When we experience pain, sorrow, loss, etc., we find that something that is needed by us, something which we want to exist as forever is missing, hence we always find it difficult to digest such sufferings. When we are in pain, we need love. When we are sad, we want care. When we lose something, we want it back. And when we are in despair, we want satisfaction.

Most of us try to avoid pain at all costs, it is foolish to do this. Pain serves a vital function, it is a sign that we are being damaged by what we are doing or whatever state we are experiencing. If we ignore the pain we feel, we set ourselves up to continue being damaged by what ever actions we take or situation we are in that is causing our pain.

No one wants to suffer. As humans, all we want to do is escape from our misery. Unfortunately, each of us will have to face it in varying degrees. Heartache, pain, and loss are unavoidable facts of human life. But even though suffering is meant to be a negative experience, there is a possibility that positive effects will emerge from it. We tend to take it as a learning experience to do better in life. In fact, every moment of suffering opens a door to the possibility of bringing greater love, compassion, contribution, hope, inspiration, and faith into the world. If we fail to understand the true meaning of suffering, we will fail to realize the meaning of compassion.

Suffering is nothing but a challenge in someone’s life. If you take it as a challenge you will accept it and if you take it as pain it will look like never ending suffering.

(Source: jiffylube)

Don’t let your emotions get the best of you i.e. don’t always automatically follow your emotions. take time and think everything through before you take action. It’s the time old question of follow your head or your heart - your heart is your emotions, your head is the rational thought process.

Letting your emotions get the best of you means you aren’t thinking clearly because you are angry or sad or a different emotion, which means you aren’t going to make the wisest decision because you won’t be thinking with your brain, you will be acting on instinct.

(Source: jiffylube)

Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Jiffy. Jiffy was a nice boy, kind and genuine, but he wasn’t the brightest kid nor was he open to his emotions. He was very stubborn and always felt lonely. This was due to his lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem, and because of this, to his peers, he can be described as quiet, weird, strange, and abnormal. He was quite the unusual fellow, not because of what everyone thought of him, but because of the actions he took.

When he was younger, he was usually picked on for not being able to defend himself and so he was more vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Jiffy, being who he is, just tried to take on every single hate word that was thrown at him, he embraced it, all without saying a word. He was very self-conscious, so he never took the opportunity to voice his opinions and express. Then suddenly, he couldn’t take it anymore, his mind was boggled up with all these unspoken thoughts, but he still did not burst. He was adamant. All he did was cry, he cried like a baby. Sadness, the only emotion he ever revealed. He simply didn’t feel the need to live and didn’t care about life itself. He was entering his emotional stage where he began to wonder who really cared about him while he made numerous scars on his arms.

After a few years, he had settled down and realized what a horrible life he was living, and so that’s when he decided to help others, trying to bring optimism into his life as well as for others. He wanted to prevent everyone he knew from having a miserable life like his and so he always took the time to offer a helping hand for his friends in need whether the favor big or small, all he wanted to be was liked and accepted by the surrounding people. And to his enjoyment, he was liked, or so he thought. Out of the blue, Jiffy wondered if these people were really his friends or just users who were just trying to take advantage of his generosity for their own benefit. Luckily Jiffy soon realized who his true friends were that would always stick by his side no matter how hard the circumstances might come to be, but that didn’t stop him from helping the people who used him. He learned what integrity was and ignored the fact that some people were just taking advantage of him and just wanted them to like him, afterall that’s all what he hoped for. But at the end of the day, he would always know who his true friends were by heart.

While the years have passed, Jiffy was still never open to his emotions, but he was trying to stay strong. He had a dream. A dream that is very common, becoming a singer. His intentions were to draw out his life story and touch people’s hearts and inspire. To show he was a someone in the world. To show that he was strong after being able to endure a rough lifestyle. To show that the people living in shadows could grow up to be shining stars. To show that dreams really do come true.

This boy is me, Jeffrey Nguyen.

Regardless of the lack of exposure I’ve witnessed throughout life, I have the ability to connect with others. It seems that I got this from my mother. Though our experiences may be completely different, there’s always a loophole which reveals the similarity in situations we might have. When I connect with others, I want them to feel as if they’re not alone and that’s my cue to help them out.

No matter how badly I am treated throughout life, it is my job to make people avoid the path of sadness and remorse. Sure, I might get the feeling of hating and not caring for everyone once in a while, but that feeling wears off and in the end, I end up realizing that it is my job to care and be there for others. I pay my respects to those who have respected me in the long run. Everyone deserves to live a happy life and I’m always there to help no matter the circumstances.

Though I have a small voice amongst the crowd, I seem to be an inspiration to some people here which is my goal. I want everyone to know my life story, and so I blog, but that’s not enough so that’s when my dream was created - to become a singer. The easiest way for me to be able to express myself wide into the open. I don’t care about the fame. I just want to be a role model. I want to be able to be a role model to all the shy people with their heads held low to the ground. I want to be a role model to all the people with low self-esteem and low confidence. I want to be a role model to all the people have have a boggled head with unsaid feelings and expressions, waiting to be bursted. I want to be a role model to the people who don’t respect themselves. Why these people? Because I am all of these. I’ve never been able to voice my opinions. I fear looking down on. I want to show them that it’s possible to become a stronger person as long as dedication and inspiration are present inside.

I am here for you.